His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
