my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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