she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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