some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my liver is dry heaving
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
