There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
