He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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