Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
