How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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