Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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