I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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