she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize