That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
