But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
