And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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