i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
