I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
