You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
