How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
