Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
