My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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