i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
