If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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