My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
