i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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