found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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