So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
