I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
