He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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