Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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