There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
