Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
