This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
