I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
