You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
