just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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