summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
