meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize