my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
