you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
