I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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