Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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