Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
