The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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