At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
