O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
What drink are we having for lunch?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
