I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
