you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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