i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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