so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
