Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
