we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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