I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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