Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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