I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
