Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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