She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
