ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
