hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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