Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
