stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
