Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
