3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize