I need to stop coming to work sober
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
