All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
