So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
