I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
