Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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