I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just google imaged poop.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
