i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize