I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
