He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
