Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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