You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
